Transitions in Marriage

In class this last week I realized that there is so much I have never even considered when it comes to marriage and having kids.

One aspect of preparing to have children that I feel was the most important to me was husband involvement with the pregnancy of the wife.  As husband and wife, during their childless time together develop behaviors and routines that begin to make up what Salvador Minuchin would call a spouse subsystem.  Minuchin explains what happens when a child is introduced to the family.

 

"A new level of family formation is reached with the birth of the first child.  The spouse subsystem in an intact family must now differentiate to perform the tasks of socializing a child without losing the mutual support that should characterize the spouse subsystem.  A boundary must be drawn which allows the child access to both parents while excluding him [or her] from spouse functions.  Some couples who do well as a group of two are never able to make a satisfactory transition to the interactions of a group of three," (Minuchin, 1980, p. 57).

I feel that in order to avoid this pitfall that Minuchin warns of, a couple has the opportunity to begin their family system of three before the child is even born.  This includes--as discussed in class--husbands attending prenatal appointments with wife, husband is actively engaged in progress of pregnancy, and seeks to help wife in any way possible.  The more involved the husband is with the child, the smoother the transition will be once the system moves from 2 to 3, 3 to 4, 4 to 5, and so on.