Fathers and Finances

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I seek after an ideal of family living which involves equality and varying roles among husband and wife.  This last week we discussed research topics that involved Work and Home. 

One consistency I found had to do with the challenges that develop when both parents are working outside of the home--at least while they are raising a family.  The textbook chapter also mentioned that work outside the home and work as we define it today has drastically changed over the last few hundred years.  It also mentioned how the industrial revolution caused a great shift in the way we view parents who take on the job of "homemaker."  In the textbook Marriage and Family, Lauer and Lauer (2012) state:

"...it is defined generally as nonwork, or at least as not real work...Of course...homemaking is every bit as demanding and exhausting as any work outside the home.  Indeed, men who spend time taking care of a house and children understand that homemaking is real work,"     

I feel it is important that we recognize the equality between husband and wife.  I find no reason or logic to weigh homemaking and outside work against each other.  Both are demanding, both require dedication and hard work.  

Communication

Fun Facts Regarding Communication:

- Compromise is not the very best way to make decisions in a relationship--contrary to popular belief.
- Practicing communication skills has thought to have been the number one relationship enhancer.  Research shows that those who receive counseling in communication skills actually show a decrease in marital satisfaction.

What has shown to be the very best method of decision making can be labeled as the collaborative decision making process or conflict resolution.

1. Identify/define issues
2. Contract to work through the issue
3. Clarify the issue completely
4. Identify wants for self, others, and us
5. Identify alternatives - brainstorm
6. Solidifying agreements - choose plan of action - think win/win
7. try the plan and review/renegotiate

 

The Family Under Stress

For this last weeks class we discussed different crises that inevitably come up in a family setting.  We were asked to think of a few that we would expect for our future family, and then anticipate how you could best be able to handle that crisis.  I thought of crises such as:

• getting into grad school and having to move
• the birth of the first child
• settling down in a more permanent residence
• birth of other children

In the our textbook it says, "You can't control all of the things that happen in your life, but you can control the way you respond to them."  One of the ways that we map out a crisis event in our class is by the ABCX model: 

Actual (stress) event

Both resources and responses

Cognition

                                                                    total eXperience 

Some of the coping strategies that I read in the textbook seemed to be very helpful and sensible.  One example reads:  "It is important to believe in yourself and in your ability to deal with difficult situations in order to be effective in a crisis.  In a crisis, you may have to remind yourself that you and your family are people with strengths and the capacity to cope effectively."

 

 

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

I held a great misconception for the most of my life regarding sexual intimacy as it is expressed by individuals who adhere to religious practice; Christianity in particular.  I always held the belief that all Christians looked at sexual intimacy as evil, and in the context of marriage, an expression of love to be very limited.  The truth is that I was very wrong.

Sexual intimacy, in the context of pure religion is divinely appointed by God.  Sex is necessary; not only for the propagation of our race but for the uniting of a man and a woman--united under the act of marriage.  When sexual intimacy is understood in this context I feel it can be taught to young people in the proper way.  In today's society children are more likely to learn about sex from the media than from their parents.  What results is a sex-crazed younger generation with ill-conceived views on the proper expression of sexual intimacy between husband and wife.