Divorce and Remarriage

In this last weeks class we discussed the difference between a covenant and a contract.  Along with this, I have also given the family as a unit in society a lot of thought.  I have heard from many different people, and many different professions, that family is the fabric of society.  Every individual family and their movement in society make up the success or break up of society as a whole.  I find this to be a powerful observation.  If it is so than why has the idea of family been taken down a rung or two on the priority list of the human living experience?

One example of this lessening of importance can be seen in the marriage agreement itself.  In order to recognize the change, it helps to understand the definition of the two words: Contract and Covenant.

Contract:  Two people/parties meet with agreements on both sides.  If one party keeps up there end of the agreement then the other party must do the same.  If one party fails to keep up there end of the agreement then the contract is null and void.

Covenant:  Two people/parties meet together and agree on terms that are binding.  Binding in that if one party fails to keep up their end of the agreement then the covenant still demands the agreement to be kept by the other party.

What we are beginning to see in the society of marriage is a "contract" attitude towards marriage.  I can understand why people would look at this as good and/or bad.  However, I would invite all of you to consider the affect that this might have on the fabric of our society; which we all expect to be successful.

Parenting

For the last weeks section on parenting we reviewed and discussed Popkin's approach to parenting and some of the techniques he says are affective in raising children.

He highlighted 4 different traits that a parent should pass on to their children in order to be a successful parent.  I found the list to be very beneficial.

1. Courage (the root word being coeur, which is heart in french)
2. Cooperation (also known as co-work)
3. Responsibility (the ability to respond to challenges and opportunities)
4. Respect

 The 3 main parenting styles that Popkin outlined are the following:

1. Authoritarian Parent - Autocratic or superstrict
2. Permissive Parent - Laissez-faire or doormat style
3. Active Parent - Involved and seeks to instill in the child the 4 traits mentioned above

Salvador Minuchin describes the dynamic relationship that exists within the parent-child relationship.  This explanation given be Minuchin can be understood through the eyes of systemic theory.  In Families and Family Therapy Minuchin (1974) he explains:

"It is essential to understand the complexity of child rearing in order to judge its participants fairly.  Parents cannot protect and guide without at the same time controlling and restricting.  Children cannot grow and become individuated without rejecting and attacking.  The process of socialization is inherently conflictual.  Any therapeutic input that challenges a dysfunctional process between parents and children must at the same time support its participants" (p. 58).