Transitions in Marriage

In class this last week I realized that there is so much I have never even considered when it comes to marriage and having kids.

One aspect of preparing to have children that I feel was the most important to me was husband involvement with the pregnancy of the wife.  As husband and wife, during their childless time together develop behaviors and routines that begin to make up what Salvador Minuchin would call a spouse subsystem.  Minuchin explains what happens when a child is introduced to the family.

 

"A new level of family formation is reached with the birth of the first child.  The spouse subsystem in an intact family must now differentiate to perform the tasks of socializing a child without losing the mutual support that should characterize the spouse subsystem.  A boundary must be drawn which allows the child access to both parents while excluding him [or her] from spouse functions.  Some couples who do well as a group of two are never able to make a satisfactory transition to the interactions of a group of three," (Minuchin, 1980, p. 57).

I feel that in order to avoid this pitfall that Minuchin warns of, a couple has the opportunity to begin their family system of three before the child is even born.  This includes--as discussed in class--husbands attending prenatal appointments with wife, husband is actively engaged in progress of pregnancy, and seeks to help wife in any way possible.  The more involved the husband is with the child, the smoother the transition will be once the system moves from 2 to 3, 3 to 4, 4 to 5, and so on.

Preparing For Marriage

If there was one idea that I hoped all of my closest family and friends understood it would be this: The main principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as applied to the family in the effort to build and maintain a satisfying family life,  are the same principles that social scientists claim to be the result of satisfying family life.

One of the theories regarding the development of relationships is described by John Van Epp in his Relationship Attachment Model.  (As seen below).
 

 

 What Epp suggests is that as we begin to develop a healthy relationship there ought to be a steady increase of these factors in left to right stage of importance.  The relationship begins to look more unhealthy, shaky, or empty when one of the factors to the right is higher than the one to the left.  An example could be seen if commitment is peaked and know is near the bottom.  It becomes dangerous when an individual is totally committed to another individual who they do not know very well.  If a relationship were to develop in this manner and the couple decided on marriage, think of the implications there would be if either spouse had something that the other did not expect, (ex. drug or alcohol addiction, etc.).  The ideal is to work your way from left to right in a relationship.  

In class this week we also discussed the implications to cohabiting couples.  What social scientists are seeing, and what they historically thought would help a marriage, is that cohabiting couples are generally more dissatisfied with their relationship than are married couples.  What they are also finding is that cohabiting couples are generally more prone to divorce.  Knowing this causes me a bit of confusion knowing that the number of cohabiting couples is increasing.  I feel this is an important issue to address.  If more single people in society knew the studies on cohabitation they would change their dating behaviors in an effort to not fall into this dangerous statistic.

Gender and Family Life

Gender is a fascinating thing.  This last week in Family Relations we discussed the differences and similarities of Gender and common behaviors that associate themselves with the male and female genders.  I feel one of the most important principles I learned this week is how to correctly define the words Feminine and Masculine.  These are the basic definitions that social scientists give these to words:

Feminine: Individuals who display expressive traits

• warm
• caring
• sensitive
• nurturing
• enable people to establish good interpersonal relationships

Masculine: Individuals who display instrumental traits

• aggressive
• competitive
• self confident
• logical
• enable people to achieve goals 

In Marriage and Family:  The Quest for Intimacy, Lauer says, "At first, it seems reasonable to assume that masculine and feminine are the two extremes of one dimension.  That is, the more masculine you are, the less feminine and vice versa.  But social scientists agree that masculinity and femininity are not opposites that exclude each other.  Instead of a continuum, with masculine at one end and feminine at the other, gender-role orientation must be understood as two-dimensional."  
 

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

This week in Family Relations we spent a lot of time discussing the correlations of social class, family needs, and culture.  It seems generally understood that the social class you grow up in will be the social class you find yourself in later on in life.  However, I do not think this is always the case.  I find the United States to be a unique country for this very reason.  Opportunity is always right around the corner--depending on how hard you want to work for it.

Another correlate we looked at was between providing family needs and household income.  The question we can ask ourselves is,  "Does money guarantee a happy family?"  The considered answer is no. When we think of what a family really needs, these components come to mind:

• support system
• basic needs provided for
• a suitable environment to teach children correct principles (values)
• sense of security

All of these components deal little with a large income.  However, I am not saying that making money will mean bad news for a family.  On the contrary, making a good amount of money alleviates the strain of life's demand and creates an atmosphere for happiness that one must choose, whether your making $30,000 or $300,000 the choice must still be made.

Values that are taught to children at a young age are instilled more permanently than when they are older.  Similarly, values that are taught to children by a parents example are also instilled into children at a very young age.  The values of hard work, respect, gratitude, and charity are all values that children can obtain at a young age.